After The Dust Settles
by speedmonkey
Summary: Follows Explosions SC. What will Calleigh do when she has to tell her little girls about losing there father? Is little Sandra Speedle having trouble coping with the death of a father she never even knew? And who shows up on Calleigh's door step covered i
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Sequel to Explosions. So yes late the other night when I couldn't sleep, I had this idea and this is the result of it. I believe some of you may be happy cough Anni cough lol. Anyways as always please read and review.**

**Spoilers: For no particular episodes, because with the way season 4 is going, I think I can write better then Donahue. But of course that is only my opinion.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for Sandra and Olivia Speedle, Clarissa Delko (Valera and Eric's daughter), the crazed bomber (a.k.a Johnny Duncan) And um...his sister Gloria Williams might show up again, haven't really decided yet. And um...I think that's about it. But I own anyone else you might recognize.**

**After The Dust Settles**

Calleigh sighed as she pulled up to the usual parking space at Miami-Dade County Cemetery. She always hated coming here, cemetery's scared her to death. Maybe it was because of her job, because half the people she saw at crime scene's were here, maybe it was because she knew what a dead person would look like after so many years, or maybe it was because the person she loved the most apart from Sandra and Olivia of course was here. Taken out before his time. Brought down my his biggest weakness. His past.

Calleigh smiled as she squatted down, much like she did at every scene. She reached her right hand and touched the cool marble lightly. Even after 5 years she still couldn't stop crying everytime she came here. She looked away and then at the palm of her hand, there was a small scar there from when Tim's temper got a little bit out of control. She closed her eyes to try and stop some of the tears. "Oh, yankee..."

Truth be told Calleigh Speedle was not the same as she was five years. She wasn't as into work. To be honest when Calleigh thought about it she wondered why she still even had a job. Everyone was moving on with their lives. Maxine and Eric got married, had a baby, Frank and his wife are expecting another child, Alexx and her husband are still going strong, even Horatio is settling down. Why couldn't she? That's right because she had already "settled down" a long time ago. And quite frankly, she didn't feel like doing it again.

"I miss you so much. Things just uh...aren't the same without you. You'd think uh..." Calleigh took a second to blow her nose and wipe her eyes. "I'd be glad that the...snoring is gone. But i'm not. I miss that. I miss yelling at you because your to lazy to put your clothes in the hamper. I miss waking up next to you." Calleigh took in a quick breath as her voice began to quiver. "I miss seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, seeing you play with the girls. But uh..." Calleigh looked down at the kleenex in her hand and then back up at the head stone. "...I just miss you." Calleigh sighed angrily as her cell phone went off. She never got to finish a conversation with him. "Speedle."

"Hey, Cal. H wanted me to call you and tell you we have a scene."

Calleigh nodded. "And he couldn't call me himself?"

Eric sighed. The air between the two had intensed since Tim's passing. "You just have a scene alright, 5th and Biscayne."

"Great." said Calleigh as she snapped her phone shut. She sighed and touched the cool marble again. "I'll come by and talk to you later, yankee. I promise." Calleigh kissed her hand and then put it on the cool stone, got up and walked to her car ready for another day in Miami.

**TALLEIGH TALLEIGH TALLEIGH TALLEIGH**

Calleigh knocked on the door lightly. "Come in." Calleigh smiled as she opened the door, seeing Valera on the couch with her infant in her arms.

Calleigh touched her cheek lightly. "Hey there little Clarissa, how you doing baby?" Clarissa smiled slightly.

"How was work?"

Calleigh rolled her eyes. "The usual. Look, Val I just wanted to say thank you for watching the girls today, I know your still on materinaty leave and everything."

"Calleigh, those girls are like my own. I'm always happy to watch them."

Calleigh nodded. "So where are they anyways?"

"There in the back yard."

Calleigh nodded and walked out back. Olivia was playing in the backyard with Eric's dog Douser. Calleigh looked around the yard for Sandra and found her swinging slightly in the swing set Eric had bought for them when they came over. Olivia looked up and smiled brightly when she saw Calleigh. "MOMMY!" Calleigh smiled and braced her self for the hug that was coming.

"Hi sweetheart how was your day?"

"It was good, I got to fingerpaint today."

"You did? Well we'll just have to hang it on the fridge then." Oliva smiled. Calleigh nodded over in Sandra's direction. "What's with your sister?"

Olivia shrugged. "She got into a fight today."

"A fight huh?" Calleigh sighed, sat Olivia down and walked over towards Sandra, sitting down in the swing next to her daughter. "Hey sweetheart."

Sandra moved the dirt around with her foot. "Hi."

"Did you have a good day at school today?"

Sandra shook her head. "No."

"Livvy told me you got into a fight today." Sandra nodded. "You wanna tell me about it?"

Sandra sighed not taking her eyes off the ground. "Tommy Bender was making fun of me."

"Why was he making fun of you sweetie?"

Sandra sighed again. "I feel down in the rocks on the playground and I hurt my knee." Sandra pointed to a blues clues band aid that was on her right knee. "I started crying and he told me to run home to my daddy and then he laughed and said I didn't have one."

Calleigh closed her eyes. "I'm sorry about that, sweetie. Tommy had no right to do that."

Sandra looked up at her mother for the first time that day. "Why don't I have a daddy?"

Calleigh sighed and looked over at her daughter. "Sweetheart, its a long story."

Sandra nodded. "Will you tell me?"

"How about...how about we go home, get something to eat, do your homework and then i'll tell you and your sister if you still want to know, ok?"

Sandra nodded and got off of the swing. "Ok."

TBC...Please read and review.


	2. A Late Night Visit

**After The Dust Settles 2**

Calleigh sighed as she closed the door to the girls' room and leaned up against it. She always knew that she would have to tell them one day about how they lost their father, but it didn't mean she was ready for it, she would never be ready for it. Calleigh forced herself to walk down to their bedroom, into the closet grabbing one of Tim's work shirts and slipping it on before getting into bed herself.

**FLASHBACK---An hour earlier**

Calleigh sighed as she sat down on Olivia's bed, Sandra had followed her and snuggled up next to her. "I want to talk to you girls about your daddy." Sandra had tighten her grip on her mother and Olivia had looked up at her waiting for an explanation. Calleigh sighed and wrapped one arm around Sandra and one arm around Olivia. "Your daddy...was a very good man. And he loved you two very much."

"Then why did he leave us?" asked Olivia softly.

"Well, baby. Your daddy didn't really have a choice. There was a very bad man trying to hurt us, when you two were just little babies, and your daddy choose his own life over ours. Does that make since?" Sandra and Olivia nodded. "But don't you two think for one second that your daddy didn't love you two with everything that he was, because he did." Calleigh smiled slightly and kissed the top of Sandra's curly locks. "Sometimes I think he loved you guys more then he did me. I swear you two were practically attatched to his hip."

**END FLASHBACK----**

Calleigh ran a hand over her face and then looked at her scar in the palm of her hand from when she picked up the glass that had broken when Tim's temper had gotten out of control. She sighed and looked to her left seeing his side of the bed, perfectly made. "It shouldn't look like that." Calleigh said softly. "You should be lying next to me." she felt tears come to her eyes. "You should be here, Tim. With me and our little girls." Calleigh took a deep breath and undid Tim's side of the bed then pulling his pillows down so that they were flat on the bed, she needed some since of fimilarity, that he wasn't completley gone from their lives. And if this is what it took then she was going to do everyday for the rest of her life if she had to.

Calleigh didin't know how long she had been sleeping, but knowing her routine for the past five years not very long. She reached over to Tim's nightstand and grabbed the ringing phone. "Hello." she asked through a yawn.

"Hel-"

Calleigh sat up slowly in bed, listening to the person on the other end take in a few ragged breath's. "Hello, is someone there?"

"You...you have to help me."

"Who is this?"

"Cal," the voice stopped and Calleigh thought they had hung up when they began coughing. "Please.."

"Tell me who you are and where you are and i'll come help you, but I can't until you do." The person on the phone groaned loudly and then the line went dead. "Hello...hello." Calleigh hung up the phone and starred at it. Whoever that was on the phone was hurting or dying.

Calleigh woke up again about four hours later to a slight banging noise on the door. She grabbed her robe from the door and put it on, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed her gun from the lock box she then walked to the front door and unlocked it slowly. "Who's there."

"Please, Cal..."

"Are you the person on the phone?" Calleigh asked as she trained her ears to listen to the person's faint voice.

"Please...open the door."

Calleigh took a deep breath and opend it slowly, she had to drop her gun from the man's heavy weight when he suddenly fell on her. Calleigh's knee's buckled from the suprise, she didn't have time to brace herself and her and the man had fallen to the floor. Calleigh sat up slowly turning the man over. "Oh my god!"

"Please help me, Cal." the man said weakly, breathing was becoming more and more difficult.

Calleigh had to look past the blood that was covering every inch of his beaten face, his chest was covered in blood, Calleigh pulled back his shirt slightly and saw that he had been shot in the stomach, her eyes then shifted to his right arm that appeared to be broken. "Timmy?" her voice asked quievering.

He nodded slightly. "I'm..." it was hard to make out what he was saying. Calleigh thought this was because he might have taken a few good punches to his jaw. "Sorry."

Calleigh shook her head not believing it, "Shhh, you have nothing to be sorry for. I just have to go get some towels and water to clean you up. I'll be right back."

Tim shook his head and used his left hand to grab her arm, preventing her from leaving, "Don't leave me."

Calleigh ran her hand threw his hair, "Baby I have to go call and ambulance."

"No." Tim paused to catch his breath. "To dangerous."

"Then baby I have to call, Alexx. We can trust her."

Tim nodded and let Calleigh walk down the hall to get what she needed. She came back a few minutes later and placed the towels and water on the coffee table, she then quickly called Alexx and sat the phone down on the table, she rushed back over to Tim's side and helped him up and over to the couch where he laid down rather quickly. "Alright, let's have a look at that wound, huh?" Tim groaned in pain as Calleigh pressed a towel against it. "Sorry." she tried to keep her attention on the wound but she kept looking at him. She saw the building explode she saw it. How could this be possible. Calleigh took his good hand and rested it on his wound. "Here, keep your hand there. Help stop the bleeding"

She then took a hand towel and dipped it into the warm water and began wiping his face very carefully, Tim groaned in pain again. "Who did this to you?"

Tim shook his head, "Where are the girls?"

"Don't worry, there fine, they're upstairs sleeping."

Tim nodded, "Five."

Calleigh nodded. "They turned five last week."

Tim let out something that sounded like a sob, "Sorry...sorry I wasn't there."

Calleigh shook her head and continued to wipe the blood from his face. "It's ok, baby. You're here now and that's all that matters ok?"

"Love you." said Tim so quietly that Calleigh had to think carefully of what he said.

"I love you to, but listen to me Alexx will be here in a second, ok. You gotta stay awake. Tim...you hear me stay awake. Tim! Tim!"

TBC...whistles and walks away slowly before the mob attacks me


	3. Get Out Of My Home

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews so far guys, they keep me motivated.**

**After The Dust Settles 3**

With the help of Horatio, Alexx, and Calleigh they had managed to move Tim up to his and Calleigh's bedroom and laid him on the bed. Calleigh and Horatio stood at the doorway while Alexx worked on removing the bullet, "I really wish you'd let us take you to the hospital, Timmy." said Alexx as she looked down at her baby worry all over her face.

"To..to...dangerous." said Tim quietly.

Alexx shook her head as she stitched her up, "Why do you have to be so stubborn?"

"Runs in the family." replied Tim weakly.

Alexx laughed at the comment and placed a gauze pad over his wound, "I missed that since of humor."

Calleigh shifted positions in the door way and Horatio turned to look at her, "You ok?"

"I don't know, Horatio. If you were lied to for 5 years how would you feel?"

Horatio sighed and nodded over in Tim's direction, "He had to, Calleigh. Johnny would have killed him."

"YEAH, WELL I THOUGHT HE HAD!" said Calleigh raising her voice.

"Mommy?" said a sleepy Sandra Speedle as she rubbed her eyes.

Calleigh turned quickly picking her up before she could see Tim lying on the bed. "What's a matter baby?"

"I heared talking."

"Sorry, about that. Mommy was just talking to Uncle Horatio about a case. Come on back to bed."

Sandra nodded, "Night, Uncle H."

"Night, sweetie."

**After The Dust Settles 3**

Calleigh walked into her bedroom slowly and sat down next to Tim on the bed, she took the washcloth from Alexx and smiled slightly. Alexx kissed the top of her head and then closed the door behind her quietly. "How are you feeling?"

Tim took a deep breath and relaxed when Calleigh took the cool cloth to his forehead, "Tired."

"I bet you are."

"What was wrong with Sandra?"

Calleigh shrugged, "She just woke up. She's been doing a lot of that lately. In the middle of the night."

"Sorry, I wasn't there."

"And I already told you. You're here now and that's all that matters."

Tim moved his hand and grabbed Calleigh's. "I love you."

Calleigh bent down and kissed his forehead lightly, "I love you to."

**After The Dust Settles 3**

Calleigh walked into the living room to hear Alexx and Horatio talking lightly, "How's he doing baby?"

"He's asleep right now." Alexx nodded and looked over at Horatio who shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Alexx would you mind leaving, I need to speak with Horaito."

Alexx nodded and kissed Calleigh on the cheek, "You call me if his pain gets worse, ok?" Calleigh nodded and watched as Alexx walked out the door.

"You lied to me." said Calleigh pure hatred in her voice.

"Calleigh...that...that was never my intention." said Horatio a little taken aback from the southern belle's sudden change in behavior.

"Horatio, not only did you two lie to me, but you lied to two five year old's as well. Do you have any idea what that's like?"

"I can imagine."

"Yeah, you can imagine but you will never now. You will never know what it's like to go through the birthday party's, dance resitals, flu's, colds, broken bones, you'll never know what that's like to go through alone. And for what? For nothing!"

"Calleigh...just let-"

Calleigh shook her head, "No, I want you to get out of my home."

"Cal-"

"Horatio, please leave." Horatio nodded and walked out the door. And to be honest Calleigh didn't care if he ever came back.

Calleigh was about to sit down on the couch when she heared a soft groan. She walked up the stairs and saw Tim walking down the hall, "Hey, what are you doing?" asked Calleigh in her deep southern drawl.

Tim turned around and looked at her, "I want to see the girls."

Calleigh shook her head and walked over to him, "No. You need to rest. Back to bed." she said softly as she grabbed his arm to lead him back to the bedroom.

"Cal, please?"

Calleigh sighed and turned around to look at him, he was leaning against the wall now to support his weight. "Alright, fine. But just for a minute." Tim nodded and with Calleigh's help they both walked down the hall to the girls' room. Calleigh opened the door slowly and quietly so not to wake the girls. Tim's breath cought in his throat at the site of his little girls. They were so big so grown up. He walked into the room slowly with the help of Calleigh and sat down on Olivia's bed. He reached his hand out and stroked her hair lightly, he didn't even realize he was crying until Calleigh's soft hand brushed away the tears from his cheek. Took a deep breath and looked over at Sandra's bed and found her curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, clutching a stuffed monkey. "I missed out on everything." Tim said quietly.

Calleigh wrapped her arms around his neck lightly and rested her chin on his shoulder from behind, "I have it all on DVD, if you want to watch it." Calleigh suggested lightly.

"Tyler?" asked Tim with a slight smirk on his face.

"Well, he is the master when it comes to video."

Tim laughed lightly and then winced at the pain, "It hurts, Cal."

Calleigh ran her hand down his chest to the bullet wound in his side, "Tell me what happend. What did he do to you?"

Tim turned his head to look at Calleigh and sighed, "I never felt so powerless in my life, Calleigh. He knows now that I'm alive and he's...he's not going to stop this time 'til he really does kill me. He came close this time."

Calleigh squeezed his hand lightly, "Who was in charge of you?"

"Sackheim."

Calleigh laughed lightly, "Well that explains a lot of things."

Tim nodded, "Calleigh, I want to tell you what happend just-"

Calleigh cut him off with a finger to his lips, "Not tonight, ok. You need to rest."

Tim nodded and Calleigh stood up, "Come on, lets get you back to bed." Tim sighed and with Calleigh's help was led back to their bedroom.

TBC...


	4. Home Movies

**Authors Note: Just wanted to say thank y'all for the reviews they mean a lot to me.**

**Author's Note 2: I just wanted to let you know that I will be having a couple other fics up. They'll be song fics. So probably only 1 chapter each. I just wanted you to know that I haven't given up on this story, I just heared some songs recently and they got my plot bunnies a turnin.**

**After The Dust Settles 4**

Calleigh tossed and turned in her sleep. She was having that all to familiar nightmare. The one that had imitated real life.

**FLASHBACK/CALLEIGH'S DREAM**

_**"I'm so cold."**_

_**Calleigh reached out and grabbed his hand, "I know you are baby. Everything's going to be ok."**_

_**Tim shook his head slightly, "I want you to get out of here."**_

_**Calleigh shook her head, "No, I'm not leaving without you."**_

_**"Cal-" he stopped to gain his breath back. But it was becoming harder and harder. "Calleigh, one of us has to be there to see our girls grow up. Now you can walk out of here, I can't. Go."**_

_**Calleigh shook her head and felt hot tears begin to pour down her cheek, "I can't leave you."**_

_**"Baby, you have to."**_

_**"Where's..where's rescue? Shouldn't they be up here by now?"**_

_**Calleigh kissed the top of his head. "I don't know, baby, maybe there was some blockage to the stairs."**_

_**Tim nodded slightly and looked over at his right when the bomb began to tick. "Cal..."**_

_**Calleigh laid Tim back down slowly, careful not to hurt him and walked over to the bomb. "He activated it." **_

Then all of a sudden it flashed to Calleigh and Horatio walking over to the ambulance and the building falling down around them. Horatio had pushed Calleigh to the ground. Calleigh broke away from Horatio's grasp and stood up. "TIM!" yelled Calleigh from the top of her lungs. "NOOO!"

Calleigh sat up in bed out of breath, "Tim!" she said breathesly. She looked to Tim's side of the bed and saw that it was empty. For a few minutes she thought she had been dreaming him coming to her doorstep covered in blood when she saw the pain pills Alexx had left for him on the nightstand. Calleigh took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair, "Get a hold of yourself Calleigh. It's in the past. He's not really dead he's just...MIA." said Calleigh as she looked around the room. She grabbed her robe from the rocking chair in the corner and walked down the stairs. She had heared giggles coming from the living room and thought that the girls were awake. 'Great' Calleigh thought to herself how was she going to explain that their father was suddenly alive. Calleigh was about to call out the girls' name to leave Tim alone when Calleigh saw that it was the t.v.

Calleigh saw Tim sitting on the couch the remote in his hand and tears gently falling down his cheek. Her heart broke instantly, she always hated to see him cry. And was only when it concerened his family that he did so. Calleigh's eyes then drifted over to the t.v. and saw that Tim had put in one of the video's that Tyler had edited into a movie of the girls' five years of life. Calleigh smiled slightly at the screen remembering that day about 4 months ago.

_**"Ok, Sandra, the first thing you want to do is pick a spot on the other side of the pool, focus on it and just kick your legs as fast as you can."**_

_**Sandra shook her head, "Uncle Eric I can't do it. I can't swim."**_

_**Eric smiled slightly, "Of course you can sweetheart. I won't let go of your waist the whole time, ok?"**_

_**Sandra sighed heavily. "Fine, but if I suddenly drown and die a horrible horrible death i would love to see Aunt Valera's face when Unlce Horatio has to put you in jail."**_

_**Eric had to do everything in his power to not laugh as he looked over at Horatio, "H, would you really throw me in the slammer?"**_

_**"Well." said Horatio as he sat down in a chair next to Calleigh. "You hurt my god daughter and you just might."**_

_**"Oh, no H man. I'm shaking in my swimming trunks." **_

_**Tim had to laugh at the look Horatio had given Eric for calling him H man. He had always hated that. It was either Horatio, H, or Lt. Not H man.**_

_**Sandra made a whiny noise, "I can't do it. Mommy I can't do it."**_

_**"Sandra baby yes you can, Uncle Eric knows what he's doing. He taught Olivia."**_

_**"Yeah." said Olivia cheerfully. "I already know how to swim." she said as she placed her hands on her hips and stuck her nose in the air.**_

_**"Oh yeah!" said Sandra breaking away from Eric's grasp and climbing out of the pool. "Well..well what do you know anyway! You were always the daddy's girl!" said Sandra hatefully yet sadly as she grabbed her towel and ran into the house.**_

_**The camera then shifted to Calleigh who sighed and ran a hand over her face, "I'll be right back."**_

Calleigh leaned against the door frame of the living room and watched as Tim looked down at the ground. He then looked up when he heared talking again.

_**"Tyler Jensen get the camera out of my face." said Calleigh who was sitting on the couch with a whole bunch of tissue paper scattered around her.**_

_**"Aw come on Cal you wanted me to tape this, so I am."**_

_**Calleigh gave Tyler a pointed look and Tim could hear as Tyler took a deep breath, "Alright ok. So Maxine how are you doing today? Staying out of the lab? Have you had to much of DNA?"**_

_**"Tyler." said Valera as she shook her head, "Go bother somebody else with the camer will ya?"**_

_**Tyler sighed, "Does nobody appreciate the art that is recording?"**_

_**"NO!" said everyone, which consisted of Calleigh, Valera, Eric, Horatio, Yelina, Frank and his wife, and Alexx and her husband.**_

_**"Alright you say no now but years later Cal when you can't remember a 9 mil from a tech nine don't complain that I got your life on tape."**_

**_Calleigh rolled her eyes and stood up with the help of Alexx_**. Tim's eyes widened when he saw that Calleigh's belly was swollen.

**_"I may be pregnant stringbean but I'm still strong enough to kick your butt." said Calleigh as she walked over to him and tried to grab the camera from him. Tim heared some ruffling noises before the camera turned off. _**Tim turned the t.v. off and placed the remote on the table. If Calleigh was pregnant then...where was the baby?

Calleigh walked over to Tim and sat down next to him, "The cord got wrapped around his neck during birth, he didn't make it." said Calleigh as she looked at her hands. "Poor thing."

Tim cleared his throat and looked over at Calleigh, "I had no idea. I mean. Horatio, never. He never told. He never told me." said Tim quickly.

Calleigh shrugged, "Well he probably thought that if you knew you'd want to come back and it would be to dangerous."

Tim nodded and put his hand over hers, "I am so sorry."

Calleigh shrugged, "Its ok. I'm fine."

"Still." said Tim as he reached up and stroked her cheek. "I should have been there. But I wasn't, I was being a coward and I hid."

Calleigh shook her head, "No, you were protecting your family. There's a big difference."

Tim sighed and scooted closer to her and looked into her eyes. The eyes that he had missed so much. "I love you and those girls more then anything, you know that right?"

Calleigh nodded as she looked into his deep brown eyes, "I know that."

"And I wouldn't have done this if I didn't feel like it was necassary."

"I know." said Calleigh softly, her voice barely over a whisper.

Tim rand his hand through her hair and down her shoulder then down her arm and back up, causing goosebumps to erupt over Calleigh's skin. Calleigh closed her eyes at the sensation and then opened them back up to find Tim still looking at her. She looked down at the bandgage on his side, "We can't."

Tim used his hand to turn her chin up so that she was looking at him, "I don't care." Calleigh went to protest but all further protests were cut off by Tim's lips on Calleigh's. It took Calleigh a minute to register what was going on. I mean she was kissing her **dead **husband. Tim deepend the kiss slightly causing Calleigh to moan softly. Calleigh then gently ran her hands up his chest and around his neck. Tim then gently pushed her back onto the couch.

"I don't want to hurt you." Calleigh whispered as she ran her hands gently over his beaten face.

"The only way you'd be hurting me is by not loving me." said Tim as he looked down at her.

"I'll always love you."

Tim nodded and connected her lips with his passionatley.

Tbc...


	5. Breakfast and Horatio's Office

**Author's Note: Ok, after some much hated writers block hereis chapter 5!**

**After The Dust Settles 5**

Calleigh awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon and sat up in bed. She looked to her left and saw that Tim's side of the bed was empty so she got up and placed on her robe. As she walked down the stairs she heared giggling and this time she knew it wasn't from the movies Tyler had made. She walked into the kitchen and smiled when she saw the girls helping Tim make breakfast. "Mommy!" said Olivia happily.

Calleigh smiled and picked Olivia up, "Hey angel."

"Were helping daddy cook breakfast."

"I see that." said Calleigh as she watched as Tim held up Sandra so she could place the bacon in the frying pan. "Listen girls..um...mommy needs to talk to daddy why don't guys go watch Spongebob?"

Sandra and Olivia nodded and ran off into the living room. Tim sighed and looked at her, "I know last night we decided we'd tell them together but you were sleeping and they walked in and saw me and I...I just had to tell them."

Calleigh nodded in understanding and walked over to him, "So what did you tell them?"

"I told them that daddy had some very important business to take care of and he had to go away for awhile and even mommy didn't know about it."

Calleigh nodded, "Well at least that part wasn't a lie. I didn't."

Tim sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist, "I'm so sorry."

"Tim you had no idea what it was like...having that mad man running around scott free in Miami when I thought you were dead! I mean...I thought he was going to come after me and the girls one day."

"I wouldn't let that happen."

Calleigh sighed and barried her head into Speed's chest, "Just don't leave me again."

**After The Dust Settles 5**

"He's got to go back under, Caine." said Dennis Sackheim a little annoyed.

"Listen to me, Dennis." Horatio said calmly from behind his desk.

"No you listen to me. I have been working my ass off for the past five years trying to keep Speedle safe-"

Horatio laughed slightly and looked up at Dennis who had been pacing the room, "Keep him safe Dennis? He found him! Beat him up! And shot him in the stomach! Wow." said Horatio in his usual tone. "Talk about FBI keeping there victims safe."

"The only reason why that happend was because Speedle wouldn't stop sneaking out and seeing her!"

"He left his wife and two kids behind, Dennis. What do you think he was going to do? Sit back for the rest of his life and watch them get on with out him? Its not that easy."

Dennis laughed and sat down in a chair, "It would have been easy for me."

"You say that because you've been divorced." started Horatio. "Twice."

"Look, Caine. Speedle has to go back under. Ok, there is no other option for him. If he doesn't Duncan will come back for him and kill him. And this time he's not going to stop with just Speedle he'll go after Duquesne and those two little girls. And if Speedle pisses him off enough he'll go after the Delko's and Jensen and the Woods'. He's going to go after everyone that Speedle cares about. Even you."

"I understand that Dennis, but you are not seeing where I am coming from." said Horatio holding his ground. "Now, I have lied to a woman and two little girls and to countless of other people trying to do what you have suggested. And I told you from the beginning I did not like your idea didn't I?"

"Hey, don't try and blame him getting shot on me. Speedle agreed."

"Yes, Dennis." started Horatio. "Yes he did...but only becuase you threw Calleigh in his face. And you and I both know that he would go to hell and back to protect her."

**FLASHBACK---**

Tim yawned when he heared a small knock on his bedroom door. He walked over to it and groaned when he saw that it was Dennis. "What do you want?"

"You need to get downstairs, we need to talk."

"Let me just wake up, Calleigh."

"No. I need to talk to you alone."

Tim sighed and followed Dennis downstairs. He walked into the kitchen and saw Horatio sitting at the kitchen table, "What's going on?"

"We need to talk to you about protection." started Dennis.

"Okay." said Tim slowly.

"We think you should go into WPP." said Horatio calmly.

Tim laughed, "Witness Protection Program? I don't think so."

"If you do this, Speed...Johnny has a less chance of getting to you. He'll think your gone...dead and the nightmare stops."

"I'm not leaving and changing my name...no. I'm not doing it."

Dennis sighed and looked at Speed, "What would Calleigh want you to do?"

"Are you saying Calleigh doesn't get to come with me?"

"It would be to suspicous if all of you went." said Dennis.

"Then definatley not. No, no way I'm not doing it. I'm not going without Calleigh."

"Speedle, Johnny wants you. Not Calleigh. But if you piss him off enough he'll kill her to." Tim shook his head and looked away. "You want to keep her safe don't you?"

**PRESENT----**

"I was stating a fact, Horatio."

"Fact it may have been but non the less you still through the one thing Tim loves in this world in his face. You through his family in his face so that he couldn't say no. So what Dennis?" said Horatio as he narrowed his eyes at Sackheim. "So you could get a promotion?"

"A promotion?"

"Yes, Dennis. A promotion. You take a cop undercover, keep him safe until after the dust settles and the bad guy forgets, the family moves on. If you could pull all that off I'm sure that there would be a nice little pay raise and a promotion in it for you wasn't there?"

"There was non of that, Caine."

"Really?" started Horatio, "You mean to tell me you did it just to protect another human being? That's very nice of you Dennis. Nice suit by the way."

Dennis shook his head and stood up placing his hands on Horatio's desk, looking down at him. "Speedle is coming back undercover before **you **have another bomb scene on your hands, is that clear?"

"Crystal." said Horatio calmly as he stood up and looked at Dennis. "But if I know, Speed. And I think I do...his children already know. So, are you going to tell them their father has to go away again or are you going to be the nice little FBI agent you are and leave that to me?" said Horatio as he walked around the desk and got into Dennis' face, meeting his gaze. "I guess your lucky its only 2 children, right Dennis? Verses 3."

"Don't try and blame Duquesen's still birth on me."

"Oh, I don't have to Dennis. A grieving widow loses her baby due to stress...no one has to blame you. They already do. You and I both know Speed didn't have to go under."

"As far as I know you CSI's." said Dennis as he used his fingers to quote the word CSI. "Didn't have enough evidence to convict Johnny Duncan on the bombings, no evidence, no fingerprints, no fibers, no DNA, nothing. Just a statment from his sister whom all we know could have had a grudge against her brother and wanted to see him rot in jail for something he didn't do."

"You and I both know Johnny Duncan is the crazed bomber, Dennis."

"Yeah, but as you CSI's say we need the evidence to convict him. So...find the evidence, capture Johnny Duncan, and i'll let Speedle go on and live his life with his wife, two kids, and his CSI friends."

Horatio sighed and looked up at Dennis, "You, you my friend are going to get what you deserve one day. FBI really suits you Sackheim."

Dennis laughed slightly, "Rather be FBI then CSI."

Horatio nodded and pointed at the door, "Find the door Dennis and don't let it hit you in your ass on the way out."

Dennis nodded and opened the door to find Delko, "Delko." said Dennis with a nod, before turning back to Horatio, "You heared what I said, Caine."

"And you heared what I said." Eric watched as Dennis walked down the stairs before turning back to Horatio.

"What was that all about?"

Horatio sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "Old case."

Eric nodded, "Ok, well I think I have something that's going to brighten up your day."

"Talk to me."

"Maxine ran the gravational blood droplet found at the scene, its a match to Jason Cortez."

Horatio nodded, "Alright, let's go find Mr. Cortez and arrest him for murder."

Eric nodded and followed Horatio out the door.

tbc...


	6. Flashback

**Author's Note: Glad you got all caught up, Deb. And hope that you guys continue to read and review. Anyway here's another chapter!**

**After The Dust Settles 6**

Calleigh starred out the window seat in the living room thinking about old memories. Old painful memories, memories that didn't really matter anymore.

**FLASHBACK---**

Calleigh could feel the anger, tears, and frustration build up inside of her as she looked through the interrogation window and turned to Horatio who was looking at her sadly. "So, that's him." said Calleigh as she played with the earing on her ear. "That's Johnny Duncan?"

Horatio nodded and turned back to the window. "Yeah."

"You going to make me stay outside aren't you?"

"I think that would be best."

Calleigh nodded and walked behind the interrogation window. Horatio sighed and walked into interrogation placing a folder down on the table. "So, Johnny you did some pretty nice work."

"Excuse me?" said Johnny with a small smile.

"Some pretty good work. Making the bombs untracable. Making the past haunt a CSI and his family for a little over a year. Very..very nice work."

"I couldn't even tell you how to build a bomb, let alone set them off across Miami."

Horatio nodded, "Is that what your lawyer is telling you to say?" asked Horatio as he looked over at Martin Gillispie.

"My client is willing to participate as long as you don't take it to far, Lt. Caine."

"Never." said Horatio calmly. "So, your sister Gloria was dating Detective Speedle and he broke her heart and let me guess you didn't like that to much did you?" Johnny rolled his eyes and looked out the window. "So then, you went out and found Tim and his friend Ricky and you shot the wrong guy didn't you?"

"Lt. Caine. Watch it." warned Martin.

Horatio smiled, "And you planted your revenge for Tim for several years didn't you?"

Martin stood up, "This is hear say, Lt. This conversation is over."

"I'm not finished yet." said Horatio as he opened up the file he had brought in. "So sit back down!" Horatio started. "This is a picture of Detective Speedle." Horatio said as he covered up the other half of the picture. "And this is a crime scene photo." he said calmly. "Can't even tell there's a body there can you, Johnny. But that was the plan the whole time wasn't it?"

Johnny laughed slightly and Horatio took his hand away from the rest of the picture. "This is his wife and his twin little girls. All asleep on the couch. Cute picture. But i'm guessing you already knew who they were didn't you, Johnny."

Martin sighed and stood up, pulling Johnny up with him. "This is insane Lt. Caine. You have no evidence whats so ever saying that my client is behind the bombings. And you've really lost it if you think your going to arrest him for the death of a police officer."

Horatio laughed slightly and stood up and walked over to Johnny, "I bet you feel great now don't you, Johnny? Got rid of the problem."

Johnny smiled and nodded, "I do, Horatio. I feel a lot better. Speedle had it coming to him."

Martin sighed, "Johnathan that's enough."

But Johnny held up a hand and nodded over to the interrogation window, "Calleigh's behind the glasses isn't she?" he smiled slightly and walked over to it, "You know I really am sorry. It must have been hard looking up at that building knowing if you just waited a few more seconds you would have died with him. I bet you will be kicking yourself in the ass for many years, Mrs. Speedle." said Johnny with little emotion in his voice. He then smiled and gestured to cut on Calleigh's forehead, " You get that from a piece of rubble hitting you in the face as you yelled his name?"

Calleigh watched him with tears in her eyes but didn't say anything knowing he couldn't hear her.

Johnny smiled slightly, "I'll be seeing you again...Ms. Duquesne." Martin sighed once again and grabbed Johnny by the arm and esscorted him out of the room. On his way out Johnny looked to his right and waved goodbye to Calleigh with an evil grin on his face.

Horatio sighed and walked over to Calleigh.

"So, that's just it? He walks?" asked Calleigh with tears in her voice.

"I'm afraid so." started Horatio. "He walks." Caleigh closed her eyes tightly tears falling as she did. "You going to be ok?"

"If I had just stayed in there a few more seconds."

**PRESENT---**

Calleigh opened up her eyes when she felt weight on the window seat. "Hey."

Tim smiled slightly, "Hey."

"The girls still watching SpongeBob?" Calleigh asked as she wiped away the tears.

Tim shook his head, "No, now there watching something called The Backyardagians...or something like that?"

Calleigh smiled slightly, "That's Sandra's favorite show."

"Ah." said Tim as he took her hand in his. "You ok?"

Calleigh nodded, "Just thinking. I should be asking how your doing." Calleigh stated as she lifted up the gauze from Tim's gun shot wound.

"I'll live." Calleigh nodded and ran her cool finger over Tim's skin.

"I still can't believe your here." she said her voice barely over a whisper.

Tim sighed and placed his hand over Calleigh's, "I'm sorry."

Calleigh nodded, "How did he find you?"

Tim sighed and looked out the window, "I was following you."

"Following me?"

Tim nodded, "You were at the grocery store and I was going to walk over to you but I hesitated. And he grabbed me from behind. I don't know how he found me but...he beat the the crap out of me." Tim said softly as he gestured to his face. "I fought back and I don't think he liked that very much. So he shot me. And I just found my way to the house."

"Why didn't you go to Horatio?"

"Because I had to see you."

Calleigh nodded, "What are we going to do about Sackheim?"

Tim rolled his eyes, "I don't really care about Dennis anymore."

"What if he takes you away again?"

"I wont let him."

"But what if he does?"

"Well what if the crime lab explodes?" replied Tim sarcastically earning him a glare from Calleigh.

"That's not funny."

"Sorry."

Calleigh sighed and wrapped her arms around Tim's neck and barried her face in between his shoulder and his neck. "I love you." she mummbled weakly.

"I love you to." said Tim as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, "So much."

TBC...


	7. Mac 'N Cheese

**After The Dust Settles 7**

Tim walked into the living room to find Sandra sitting on the couch by herself, "Where's your sister?"

Sandra shrugged. "She went outside to play."

Tim nodded and looked out the sliding glass door to make sure Olivia was back there, Tim smiled slightly when he saw Olivia swinging. Tim then looked back over to Sandra and sat down next to her, "You ok?"

Sandra nodded, "I'm just confused."

"How are you confused?"

Sandra sighed and looked at her father, "A few nights ago mommy told me and Livvy what happend to you. So if what happend to you happend...how can you be here?"

Tim sighed and sat Sandra down on his lap, "Well...there was a bad man after me and some cops-"

"Uncle Horatio?"

Tim nodded, "Uncle Horatio, yes and a few others. They wanted to make sure I was safe. So they found out what the bad man was going to do and so they set it up to where daddy could go some place safe for awhile." Tim tried to explain it in simple terms but when he did it just sounded even more confusing. "Do you understand?"

Sandra nodded slightly, "Didn't you want to take me, mommy, and Olivia with you?"

"Well, I wanted to. But I couldn't. It was safer for your mommy and you guys to stay where you were."

Sandra nodded and looked up at her father, "What happend to your face, daddy?"

Tim sighed, "Lets just say daddy's age is catching up to him. Ok?"

Sandra laughed slightly, "Daddy your not old. Uncle Eric's old."

Tim laughed, "That's good. You keep thinking that." Tim smiled and kissed Sandra's head. "Go get your sister and i'll make you guys some lunch." Sandra nodded and hopped off her dad's lap. Tim sighed slightly and went into the kitchen and began to boil some water for macorroni and cheese.

**After The Dust Settles 7**

Johnny Duncan paced his living room floor and looked down at his still bloody hand, "What are we going to do? He was SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" Johnny's dog whined slightly when he yelled. Johnny ran a nervous hand through his hair and sighed. He then smiled slightly, "I know exactly what i'm going to do."

**After The Dust Settles 7**

Calleigh smiled as she walked into the kitchen to find Tim making lunch, "Mmm, mac 'n cheese. Sounds good."

Tim smirked and poured the noodles into the pot. He then turned around and smiled at Calleigh.

"What's that smile for? You never smile?" said Calleigh as she looked up at him. Tim smiled and walked over to her, pressing her up against the counter lightly. "Tim. What has gotten into you?" said Calleigh sheepisly.

"Nothing." replied Tim softly as he kissed Calleigh's neck.

Calleigh smirked and placed her hands on Tim's chest, pushing him away slightly. "Your injured."

"I wasn't to injured the other night?" Tim said with a smirk.

Calleigh playfully glared at him, "Well what if the girls walk in?"

"Then we'll just have that talk with them when there 5 vs. 13."

Calleigh rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, "Sometimes I hate you."

Tim smirked and shook his head, "No you don't. You love me."

Calleigh smiled and leaned in closer to him, "That is very true." she said in her deep southern accent as she kissed him lightly. Tim deepend the kiss slightly when they heared a scream.

"MOMMY! DADDY! HELP ME!"

Tim pulled away from Calleigh, "Sandra." Tim and Calleigh both ran outside into the back yard to see Johnny pushing Sandra into the car. Tim ran after him but Johnny got into the car and took off to quickly. Tim placed his hands on his knees and bent over, trying to catch his breath. He then looked back and saw Calleigh holding Olivia tightly, who was crying hysterically. Tim then looked back at the road and saw the car off the in the distance. Tim stood up straight and walked past Calleigh and into the house, punching a whole into the siding on the way inside.

TBC...


	8. Phone Call

**Anni: Yes, H man was all up in Sackheim's grill. lol. You won't believe how hard I laughed when I read that in your review. And don't worry Johnny will 'get his'. lol. Its all up in my noggin. lol.**

**Deb: Glad, you finally got all caught up. And don't worry about reading the chapter backwards Anni does it all the time. lol. And yeah I can imagine how Calleigh would have reacted if Tim walked up on her in the grocery store. I mean I could imagine how I would have reacted if...well...let's just say for me it would be like crazy fan girl and Rory would have to you know call security but...anyways I'm rambling and off to the update. lol.**

**(Just a recap)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone excpet for Johnny Duncan, his sister Gloria who've I've finally decided WILL make another apperance in this fic, Oliva and Sandra Speedle, and um...Valera and Eric's daughter. **

**Pairings: (mainly) Speed and Calleigh (but Eric/Valera might make another apperance)**

**After The Dust Settles 8**

Within a half hour the Speedle residence was sworming with FBI agents, IAB, and the CSI day shift. Including one very pissed off Horatio Caine. Tim looked over from the window seat and saw that Horatio and Dennis were in another heated argument. He couldn't hear all of it but he could here parts of the conversation.

"I bet you wish you had listened to me now, huh Caine."

"Dennis. If you know what's good for you you'll shut up right now."

Tim smirked and looked down at his hand. He felt his heart rate quicken when he felt Calleigh sit down next to him. "Give me your hand." she whispered softly.

Tim let her pick up his hand and he looked over at her slowly, "I'm sorry."

Calleigh ignored him and opened the first aid kit. "It doesn't look to deep. So you won't need stitches."

Tim looked at her sadly, "Cal, look at me."

Calleigh kept her eyes down and wiped Tim's wound with alcohol. He flinched slightly, "Sorry."

Tim shrugged, "Its ok."

Calleigh sighed and placed a band aid over his cut from hitting the siding. "There. All better."

"Thanks." he muttered weakly. "Now will you look at me?

Calleigh took a deep breath and looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "What?" she asked with a quievering voice.

"Come here."

Calleigh shook her head and pushed Tim's hand away from her, "No, Tim. I don't want to come here. I want my little girl back."

Tim sighed and pulled her into a hug, "I know. Me to." Calleigh cried quietly on his shoulder and he rubbed her back effectionatley. "Where's Olivia?"

"She's upstairs, taking a nap."

"By herself?"

Calleigh shook her head and sniffed, "No. Jessop's outside her door. If anything happens he'll protect her."

Tim nodded, "Jessop's a good man."

Calleigh nodded, "Yeah he is."

Tim kissed the top of Calleigh's head and nodded over in Horatio and Dennis' direction. "You think we should break them to up?"

Calleigh laughed slightly, "Nah, if Sackheim pisses Horatio off enough he'll just shoot him. And I'm pretty sure all of us in this house will say it was self defense."

Tim laughed and jumped slightly when the home phone rang. A FBI agen came to the door and gestured to Tim and Calleigh. Tim stood up and gribbed Calleigh's hand tightly as they both walked to the kitchen table.

"Ok, now remember you have to keep him on the phone for atleast 1 minute."

Calleigh and Tim both nodded and Calleigh picked up the phone, "Hel-hello."

Johnny smiled slightly, "You've been crying Calleigh. I thought with Tim back in your arms you wouldn't be doing much of that anymore."

"Yeah, well." started Calleigh. "You kidnap my little girl in my own backyard and of course i'll be crying."

"Aww. Well your a very good mother."

"If you weren't a murderer and a kidnapper I'd take that as a compliment."

Johnny laughed lightly, "Let me talk to, Tim."

Calleigh looked up at Tim and handed him the phone. Calleigh closed her eyes and looked away. "What do you want, Johnny?"

"Do you know, Tim." Johnny started. "That most kidnappers don't keep there victims alive after the first 3 hours."

Tim closed his eyes, "Yes, I'm aware of that."

Johnny nodded, "So I bet you would like your daughter back right?"

"You know I do Johnny."

An FBI agent looked over at Tim and mouthed, "45 more seconds." Tim nodded.

"Well, I mean you **did **miss out on almost five years of her life. What's the rest of her life going to hurt?"

Tim gripped the chair tightly, "Listen to me. Whatever it is you want...we'll work it out ok. Just don't hurt her."

Johnny laughed, "I want you, Tim."

"Then come get me, JOhnny!" Tim said angrily.

"If it was only that easy, Speedle. First you'd have to tell all those officers that were in your house to leave. And then maybe we'll talk."

"Let me talk to, Sandra."

"Ok." said Johnny. He waited a second and then hung up the phone.

"Johnny? Johnny?" Tim looked down at the phone and then threw it against the wall, causing Eric to duck so he wouldn't get hit in the head. "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Calleigh put her hand on his arm, "Honey."

Tim shrugged it away, "Don't touch me." he said as he walked upstairs.

TBC...And yes, I like to believe that Jessop didn't die in the finale. Seriously if Donahue keeps killing off police officers there won't be any of them left. I mean seriously 12 in the season 4 preimere, 2 swat officers in dispo day, plus officer Hollis, Insko in Cop Killer, Jessop in the finale, and don't even get me started on Speed...


	9. Photo Album

**Author's Note: I was told to update NOW by Anni. So here goes nothin...**

**After The Dust Settles 9**

Tim walked up the stairs slowly and stopped at Olivia and Sandra's room. "Go, take a break Jessop."

Jessop nodded and began to walk down the hall, he stopped and turned back to Tim. "Detective?"

Tim sighed and turned around, "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad your back...and I'm sorry about, Sandra."

Tim nodded, "Thanks Jessop." He nodded and walked down the stairs. Tim ran a hand through his hair and opened the girls' door. When he walked in Olivia was curled up into a ball in the middle of her bed, clutching a teddy bear tightly. Tim sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed her hair out of her eyes. He looked down at her comforter and saw that it was Hello Kitty. He smiled slightly and for the first time took in the whole room. The walls were pink and purple. There was pink curtains and about 50 hello kitty figurians on the book shelves, he then looked over on the nightstand and saw that there was a hello kitty alarm clock. He laughed slighlty and then looked back at Olivia.

He still couldn't believe he had agreed with Dennis. Family ment everything to him. And he ruined it, he completley threw it right out the window that day in the kitchen. He just wanted to protect them, but obviously him going under wasn't helping them much. Calleigh lost a baby, he got beat up and shot, and Sandra was missing. As the minutes went by he got to thinking. May be he wasn't the 'good' father he thought he was. Or the good father he could have been if he stayed. He turned around on the bed so that he wasn't facing Olivia anymore and his eyes caught a book that was sticking out from the book shelf.

He walked over to it and sat down on the floor, opening it up as he leaned against the wall. On the cover in big blue letter was 'Sandra's Album' Tim smiled to himself as he saw the first picture. It was of him asleep on the couch with both Olivia and Sandra asleep on his chest. He then flipped the page and saw them in their cribs at the hospital. Tim then skipped a few pages and saw Sandra was wripping of wrapping paper to a christmas present. He smiled and went to go put the book back when another page caught his eye. At the top in big red letters it read "My Daddy." Tim then looked down the page and saw it was a picture of him when he first started dating Calleigh. He was much skinner then and his hair was a lot shorter. He heared the door open and felt Calleigh cuddle into him, but not taking his eyes off the picture. Calleigh smiled, "I remember that night."

Tim nodded and set the photo album aside, "Me to." he said as he looked over at Calleigh.

"That was the night you told me you loved me."

Tim nodded, "Yeah well you get enough vodka's in me and i'm liable to say anything." he said with a small smile on his face.

Calleigh smiled, "Well I'm glad you told me."

Tim smiled and looked back at the picture, "I've packed on a few pounds though since then."

Calleigh shrugged and grabbed one of his cheeks, pinching it like a grandma would, "That's ok. I like my man chunky."

Tim laughed and kissed Calleigh's forehead. "I love you."

Calleigh smiled brightly, giving him that smile that she gave him and only him, "I love you to."

**After The Dust Settles 9**

Sandra looked up from her chair as Johnny walked back in, "Why am I here?"

Johnny smiled and sat down across from her, "Because I have to teach your father a lesson."

"A lesson?"

Johnny nodded, "A long time ago your daddy did something very wrong and he has to pay for that now. Understand?"

Sandra looked up at him and shook her head, "Not really. My daddy would never do anything wrong. He's a good man."

"How would you know?" started Johnny as he laughed slightly, "You've only known him for a few days."

Sandra gave him one of those Speedle expressions, "That was so funny, I forgot to laugh."

Johnny shook his head, "Just like your father."

"I'd rather be like my daddy and be smart and everyone looks up to, instead of a nut job like you." Sandra admitted honestly.

Johnny stood up and looked down at her, "You better watch your mouth little girl."

"Or what? You'll hit me?"

Johnny glared at her and smacked her across her face.

**After The Dust Settles 9**

Calleigh grabbed Tim's hand and he sighed as he looked over at Olivia, who was still sleeping. "She can sleep through anything." Calleigh admitted. "I swear she could sleep through a hurricane if I'd let her."

Tim nodded slightly, "I wouldn't know. I mean..." he started. "I haven't been here."

Calleigh took her head of his shoulder and looked up at him, "Tim..."

"No, Cal. Don't tell me "Well your here now, and that's all that matters" crap because its not true. I missed out on everything. There first tooth, there first steps, there first word."

"That's not true." Calleigh started. "Olivia's first word was Dadda and you were here for that."

"But I missed Sandra's. I missed out on everything. All because I was stupid and listend to Sackheim. I mean...what was going on in my head?"

Calleigh sighed and sat down in Tim's lap so she was straddling him, "Your family, Tim. That's what was in your head. You wanted to protect your family. That's exactly what I would have done." she said as she looked down at him.

Tim shook his head and placed his hands on her hips, "That's not what you would have done. You would have went out and found Johnny and shot him with one of the guns from your collection." he said half jokingly, half serious. He wouldn't tell her to her face but sometimes Calleigh and her knowledge of guns scared him.

Calleigh smiled slightly, "Ok well...Witness Protection would have been second on my list." she said as she ran her hands up and down Tim's chest. "Tim...you, you are a good man. Ok, and don't you think for one second that your not. So what if you missed seeing them taking there first steps or...whatever. Your still going to be here for the rest of it. There first boyfriend, teaching them how to drive, your gonna be there when they get married."

"No." said Tim immediatley. "There not getting married. As soon as they turn 18 were locking them up in the basement."

Calleigh smiled and kissed him lightly, "See your gonna be a great dad. You already are."

Tim sighed and looked over at Olivia and then back up at Calleigh, "I believe you."

"Good," started Calleigh. "Because its the truth." Tim sighed once again and rested his head against the wall. Calleigh took her hands and slid them up from his chest to his cheeks, bringing his head back down so she could look him in the eyes. "You're a good father, Tim."

Tim nodded and kissed her lightly, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm gonna get her back, Cal. I promise."

"I know you will." Calleigh said as she deepened the kiss slightly.

TBC...


	10. Met Me In Liberty City

**Author's Note: Sorry, I haven't writen anything in a while, I've been feeling depressed lately and haven't been up to doing much except the usual stuff. I've tried watching Friends to cheer me up, because that always seemed to work and it just doesn't so if I don't write again after this for awhile that's why.**

**Deb: Don't get me wrong I like Dennis to. Actually I like Stetler, Peter Elliot, Hagen, and Dennis but I just like to pick fun at Stetler and Dennis in my stories because it comes easily to me for some reason. And to be honest I've tried to write a pure happy fic. But I can't. I'll get into 2 sentences and I'll be like "Well that sucks" and I'll delete it. I guess I'm just a drama queen.**

**After The Dust Settles 10**

Tim and Calleigh had came back into the kitchen after looking at Sandra and Olivia's photo albums. "So, what do you want me to do?" Tim asked to no one in particular.

Horatio sighed and sat down in one of the chairs, "Well, Dennis here." he began saracastically. "Was just telling us his fantastic idea, Dennis?" he finished.

Sackheim glared at him and took a deep breath, "Next time Johnny calls you. You offer yourself up as bait."

Calleigh's eyes widened. "No. Absoultley not."

"Calleigh." Tim started.

Calleigh looked over at him, "Are you crazy. Tim. He shot you and beat you up. Do you really think that the next time he's going to go easy on you. He will kill you."

Tim sighed and went to speak when Sackheim cut him off. "We'll have S.W.A.T. in position at every entrance, Calleigh."

"Do you really think that's going to stop him?" asked Calleigh, worry and anger in her voice.

"Its ok." Tim started. "I'll do it." he said as he looked back at Calleigh, who had a horrified expression on her face.

**After The Dust Settles 10**

Sandra groaned when someone opened up the shades in the room she was in, "Get up." came an unfamiliar female voice.

"Where's Johnny?" asked Sandra scared. Even though she knew what Johnny was probably going to do to her, he was still better then a woman she had never seen before, let alone know what she was capable of.

"Johnny's busy at the moment." she replied sweetly as she sat a clean pair of clothes for Sandra on her bed. "Come down stairs when your dressed. Breakfast should be ready by then."

Sandra watched as the woman left and closed the door behind her. She looked over at the pair of clothes she had given her and sighed.

**After The Dust Settles 10**

Horatio and Sackheim watched from the kitchen table as Calleigh and Tim exchanged heated words. Horatio couldn't help but smile, Calleigh was so short compared to Tim and she was trying so hard to match his full height. "YOUR NOT DOING THIS!" Calleigh screamed.

"Calleigh, I have no other choice." Tim insisted.

"He'll kill you. Is that what you want? Do you want me to go back on mediciation, Tim?" she asked, a slightly hurt look in her eyes.

Tim sighed and pulled her close, "Of course that's not what I want, Calleigh." he began. "But I've got to get our little girl back." Calleigh sighed and hugged him tightly.

**After The Dust Settles 10**

Sandra walked slowly down the stairs and then stood in the door way nervously, she didn't really know what to do. The woman smiled and gestured her to the kitchen. Sandra sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. "What would you like for breakfast sweetie." Sandra shrugged and looked at the assortment of food on the table. "How about some chocolate chip pancakes?" Sandra nodded. She then looked up and scooted away in her chair as Johnny came into the room, phone in hand.

"Call your father." he stated simply, but angrily.

The woman looked at Johnny and sighed, "Johnny you don't have to be so mean to the poor thing."

"Shut up! Was I talking to you?" the woman sighed and placed some eggs on her plate.

Sandra picked up the phone and dialed her home number.

**After The Dust Settles 10**

Tim and Calleigh both jumped slightly when the phone rang. Calleigh looked up at Tim and he walked over to the phone, he waited for the signal before picking it up. "Speedle?"

"Daddy." said Sandra, her voice quivering slightly.

Tim let out a sigh of relief. "Oh sweetheart. Are you ok? Did he hurt you." Calleigh grabbed his arm tightly and Tim pulled her to him.

"No, Daddy." Sandra started. "He didn't hurt me. There's a lady here."

Tim looked over at Horatio, "A lady?"

"Mmmhmm." came Sandra's small voice. "She's really nice. She made me chocolate chip pancakes."

Tim couldn't help but smile slightly, "Sweetie I need you to listen to me ok. Is he in the room with you."

"Yes."

"Let me talk to him."

"Ok, Daddy. I love you." she said before handing the phone to Johhny.

"I love you to, baby."

Johnny laughed, "You love me, Speedle? Well I had no idea you swung that way."

"Can it, Duncan." Tim said hatefully.

"A little aggresive are we?" he asked. "You shouldn't really talk that way to the man that has your daughter." he finished just as hatefully.

Tim sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Alright, Johnny. Why don't we met up somewhere." Tim said softly. "You give me Sandra and I'll give you exactly what you want." Calleigh shook her head slightly and barried her head into his chest.

"You sure your wife's ok with losing you again?"

"She'll be just fine. So do we have a deal?"

Johnny thought for a minute, "Alright fine. Met me at the old abandoned wharehouse in Liberty City. No cops." he said before he hung up.

Tim sighed and placed the phone onto the table.

TBC...


	11. Old Friends

**Author's Note: Ok, whoa its been really long since i've updated. And everybody else I've been talking to lately seems to have a life so I thought eh why not update...maybe finish my fic.**

**Disclaimer: As usual I don't own anyone except the bad guys and the Speedle kids. **

**Pairings: Speed/Calleigh Eric/Valera**

**Spoilers: None that I know of**

**After The Dust Settles 11**

Calleigh helped Tim put on his kevlar vest in their bedroom. She still thought he was crazy but in a way she did understand why he was doing it. He was Sandra's father and he felt like he had to because of the time he lost with her. He atleast had to do something for his family if he didn't come out of this alive. Tim looked down at Calleigh as she pulled the strap on the vest to make it tighter, "Is that to tight?" she asked, concentration writen all over her face.

Tim shook his head, "No." he whispered. Calleigh nodded and then helped him put on a t-shirt and then began to button up his usual dress shirt. "Calleigh look at me." he whispered.

Calleigh shook her head, "I don't want you doing this." she said softly. "If you get killed so help me god-"

Tim cut her off by putting a finger to her lips. "I'm not going to die." he said firmly. "I'm going to come back with our daughter." he said as he tilted her chin up to look at him.

"Promise?" she asked softly, her voice quivering.

Tim closed his eyes and pulled her into a hug, "I promise."

**After The Dust Settles 11**

Tim parked Calleigh's SUV outside of the meet up spot. He took his gun out of his holster and sat it on the passanger seat, if they were going to solve this it wasn't going to be with guns. That wasn't really Johnny's style. Tim took a deep breath and got out of the car. He walked into the wharehouse slowly and looked around, he didn't see Johnny anywhere and he was starting to regret coming here alone.

Johnny came out from the back of the wharehouse, Sandra right in front of him. "Daddy!" Sandra said, her voice laced with tears. Tim snapped his head over in their direction and saw that she was crying.

"Sandra." he meant for it to come out louder but it was nothing more then a whisper.

"So you came alone." said Johnny with a nod. "I'm proud of you. You finally listened for once in your life."

Tim shook his head, "Give me Sandra Johnny. Let her go and you can do what ever it is you want with me."

JOhnny let out a low laugh, that sounded an awful lot like a cackle, "You think its that easy Speedle. That its all going to be fixed just like that?"

"You promised." Tim said simply.

"And promises are meant to be broken."

**After The Dust Settles 11**

Calleigh sat in her living room, drumming her fingers nervously on the arm rest of the couch. Sackheim looked over from his position in the recliner, "Its not my fault he wanted to go by himself." Calleigh looked over at him and glared.

Eric laughed slightly, "Dennis, I think it would be in your best intrest to can it. Right now." he said simply, not looking up from his newspaper.

**After The Dust Settles 11**

Tim sighed, "Look Johnny just give me Sandra. She never hurt you. Its me you want remember."

Johnny rolled his eyes, "She should be my sister's kid. You know that right?" he stated. "But you had to think of your future career more then a family. But look at you know you've got the big CSI job, kids, and let's face it a really hot wife."

"Leave Calleigh out of this." Tim said, trying to keep his anger under control.

Johnny laughed, "Or what? You'll shoot me?" he asked as he gestured to Tim's empty holster. "Face it Speedle. This is a lose lose situation for you." he said amusement writen on his face.

Sandra looked at Tim and then up at Johnny, "You mean the lady who made me pancakes this morning?" she asked softly, looking at Johnny.

Johnny closed his eyes, "I told you not to say a word!' he said angrily and grabbed a hold of Sandra's hair a little tighter. Sandra flinched slightly, instantally regreatting what she had just said.

"Gloria." Tim stated. "She's in on this?" he asked.

"Who do you think told me to kidnap your kid, Speedle." Johnny said lightly.

TBC...


	12. Kill For My Child

**Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews guys. It feels good to be writing again. I missed my talleigh goodness! I got my schedule for next year, you would think it being my last year i'd want to take easy clases...but NO! Ugh, it be a miracle if I don't kill myself the first week.**

**Dislcaimer: Again I don't own anyone except for The Speedle kids, Johnny and his sister Gloria. And Valera and Eric's baby.**

**After The Dust Settles 12**

Calleigh had gone to pacing the length of the living room now. "What's taking him so long?" she asked. But not to really anyone in particular. Valera had fallen asleep on the couch with her daughter lying across her chest. Eric was still reading the newspaper even though Calleigh knew that he had finished it hours ago. And Dennis and Horatio where watching some thing about World War 1 on the history channel. Calleigh sighed heavily once again and looked over as Olivia came down the stairs, "Mommy?" she asked softly.

Calleigh snapped her head in her daughter's direction and then picked her up, placing her gently on her hip. "What is it sweetie?" she asked. Olivia didn't say anything, just held onto Calleigh for dear life. Calleigh rubbed her back soothingly and rested her head against hers. "Your daddy's going to come back baby I promise." she said, maybe if she kept saying it over and over again out loud her mind would start to believe it.

**After The Dust Settles 12**

Tim looked at Johnny like he was crazy. The Gloira he knew would never do something like that. But of course Johnny had become a lunatic why couldn't she. Tim looked over to the corner of the wharehouse when he saw a figure come out from behind a tarp that was draped over some rubble. "Gloria." Tim stated flatley.

Gloria smiled and looked over at Tim. "And I thought after this many years you'd forget about little old me." she said as she put on a fake southern accent.

Tim looked at her and shook his head, "You can drop that accent Gloria. I know your from Jamaica Queens." he said bluntly.

Gloria laughed a little and walked over to Johnny and placed her hand on Sandra's shoulder. "She could have been our little girl you know that don't you?" she said as she looked down at Sandra and then back up to Tim.

Tim shook his head a little, "I don't want kids with you, Gloria. Never have and never will. And doesn't that just tear you up inside?" he asked. Sandra looked up at Tim, a scared expression on her face. Tim raised his hand a little and winked at her. Sandra smiled slightly, knowing he must have had something planned.

**After The Dust Settles 12**

Calleigh came out of the kitchen a few minutes later and handed Olivia a bowl of ice cream like she had asked for. "Here you go baby." Olivia smiled and took the bowl from her mother. Calleigh let out an impatient sigh and sat down on the couch. She looked up at the entertainment center and looked at the clock.

"Don't look at the clock, Cal." Eric said softly. "It'll only make time go by slower." he said as he finally placed the newspaper down on the coffee table and looked over at her. Calleigh didn't say anything and just nodded.

**After The Dust Settles 12**

Tim looked over at Johnny and sighed, "Why don't you give me Sandra now." he suggested. Trying to keep a cool head.

Johnny shook his head, "I don't think so." he said as he pulled Sandra in front of him and placed a gun to her head. Tim panicked but didn't show it.

"Come on Johnny let her go." he said firmly. "She never hurt you. Its me you want remember."

Johnny smiled, "But you see Speedle hurting your kid will hurt you. So either way you look at it I win." he said with a small shrug. Sandra closed her to try and stop the tears from falling but it was useless. She looked up at Tim, her bottom lip quivering slightly. Tim thought his heart would break right then and there. He lost his nerve and reached into the back of jeans and pulled out his service pistol and aimed it at Johnny.

"Let her go right now." Tim said as he aimed the gun at Johnny

Johnny just laughed and kept his gun at Sandra, "You kill me I kill her." he said as he placed his finger on the trigger. Gloria smiled and walked around them, "Come on Timmy baby you don't want to kill Johnny." she said softly. "Just put down the gun and you me and Sandra can leave. Go back up to New York and have that family we wanted when we were younger."

Tim looked over at Sandra and then pointed his gun at her. Before he knew what he was doing he shot her in the stomach. Tim looked down at her slightly horrified as he watched her fall to the ground. He udnerstood now what it was like...how the other parents felt when he was on the job when their children were placed into tough situations. You'd kill for them. And by the looks of Gloria's lifeless body he had just done so. Tim pointed his gun at Johnny again, "Now let her go." he said angrily.

To Johnny and Tim's suprise Johnny let Sandra go and she ran over to Tim and hid behind him. "Listen to me sweetie. I want you to go to the hummer and call mommy." he said softly, keeping his gun trained on Johnny.

Sandra shook her head, "Daddy." she cried.

Tim shook his head, "Go ahead honey. Daddy's going to be just fine. Now go." Sandra looked up at Tim and then at Johnny and then quickly left the wharehouse

Johnny smirked, "So what are you going to do?" he asked. "Kill me."

Tim shook his head, "No." he said as he walked over to him. "I'm just going to kick your ass." he said firmly and then took the butt of his gun and hit Johnny over the head.

TBC...

God I just love angry Speed. And you haven't even seen the half of it. The rests all up in my noggin.


	13. I Need To Be In Control Of My Life

**Author's Note: Takes deep breath I will survive my Senior year. I will survive my senior year. let's out breath Thanks Deb, that helped. lol.**

**Anni: Angry Tim is a very lovely thing. I mean he's just...oh what's the word I'm looking for? Sexy when he's angry? Oh what am I saying that mans all around sexy. No matter what mood.**

**Author's Note 2: Ok, I'm approching the end of the story. And since my brain has like completley shut down. And I DON'T want to stop with the Talleigh love. If anybody has any ideas for a fic, please put them in a review or a pm. I might not be able to get to it right away because well as we all know real life has to happen. But I just thought I'd put that out there.**

**After The Dust Settles 13**

Johnny fell to the ground after Tim hit him in the back of the head, he groaned and placed his hand on the back of his head. "That hurt." he said honestly, yet sarcastically.

"Good." Tim replied simply, he lifted his right foot and kicked Johnny hard in the ribs.

Johnny groaned loudly and rolled over, he tried to move away from Tim but it wasn't really working. Tim was running on nothing more then pure adrenaline and hatred right now. Tim walked closer to Johnny and kicked him again. His gun still in his hand.

**After The Dust Settles 13**

Sandra ran out of the wharehouse just like her father told her to. When she saw Tim pull that trigger and Gloria fall to the ground, she would admit she was scared. But in some strange way even for a 6 year old girl she felt releaved. Almost as if her father took care of the monsters that where hiding under her bed. After she came out of the wharehouse she looked around for the hummer and found it about 20 feet away, she ran over to it and opened up the drivers side door. She was a small girl even for the age of six and she had to practically jump up to get into it. Once inside she closed the door and locked it, not wanting to take any chances. Hearing some of the things her mom and Uncles would talk about made her cauticious. She spotted her father's cell phone on the passanger seat, she picked it up and dialed an all to familiar number.

**After The Dust Settles 13**

Calleigh had fallen asleep on the couch with Olivia in her arms, but she was immediatley awoken by the sound of the house phone. She sat up slightly and Horatio stood up and took Olivia from her. Rubbing the little girls back so she could go back to sleep. Olivia yawned and rubbed her eyes but laid her head back down on Horatio's shoulder and fell asleep. Calleigh smiled slightly, she would never fully understand Horatio and his compasson with children. Calleigh sighed and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the phone and pressing talk, "Speedle residence." she answered casually.

Sandra let out a sigh of relief, "Mommy." she said.

Calleigh's heart began to beat faster as she heared Sandra's voice, "Oh sweetie. Are you ok? Where are you? Is daddy with you?" she asked, her brain was going about a mile a minute right now. Eric heared Calleigh from in the living room and got up and walked into the kitchen, soon followed by Valera, Dennis, Horatio and a sleeping Olivia and an also sleeping Clarissa Delko.

"I'm fine, mommy." she said softly. "I'm in some building and no daddy's not with me." she said, trying to answer all of her mothers questions.

"What do you mean daddy's not with you?" she asked. "Where is he?"

"There was a lot of blood mommy." Sandra said her mind shifting back to when Tim shot Gloria.

**After The Dust Settles 13**

Tim placed his gun into the back of his jeans once he was sure Johnny wasn't going to go anywhere. Johnny laid face down on the ground, cluching his stomach, blood running out of his nose. His cheeks wear bloody to and his whole body ached. Tim's right hand was killing him but it was nothing more then a tiny paper cut to him. It felt good to beat Johnny up. The asswhole deserved it. "How does it feel, Johnny?" Tim asked he crouched down. He lifted Johnny's head up by grabbing his hair. "I asked you a question." he stated. Tim didn't know what it was, he was almost creeping himself out. But he just had to do this. To make himself believe that Johnny wasn't in control of his life anymore.

Tbc...


	14. Fight off My Demons

**Author's Note: takes another deep breath I will survive my senior year. I will survive my senior year lets out breath Well let's just hope Miami gets back so s2 ways in s5 or I will have nothing to distract me.**

**Author's Note 2: Just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews, guys. They keep me goin'.**

**Anni: Anni, Anni, Anni. You know it is YOU that put these ideas in my head. Maybe I was going for a happy ending. Maybe, just maybe I was going to step down from my drama box and have a happy ending...but now...not so sure...**

**After The Dust Settles 14**

Calleigh felt like her heart had fallen out of her chest, "Sandra baby what do you mean there was a lot of blood?" she asked again. She closed her eyes, silently praying that it wasn't Tim.

"He just shot her mommy." Sandra said simply.

"Who shot who baby. Come on sweetie you got to tell Mommy what's going on." Calleigh said calmly. Horatio sighed and walked over to Calleigh, giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze. Eric walked over to Valera and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Daddy." Sandra said softly. "Gloria...I think is her name. She came towards daddy and he just shot her."

Calleigh sighed, "Where's daddy now?" she asked softly.

"He's inside with that bad man." she said simply. "Mommy I don't like that man. He's scary."

"I know he is baby. I know." Calleigh started. "Listen, sweetie. Mommy's going to come get you now ok. Do you want Mommy to stay on the phone?" she asked softly. Calleigh couldn't believe all of this was happening. Her husband was alive and she was going to get her little girl back. Maybe now things could go back to the way they were.

"No mommy its ok. I'm a big girl now. I'm ok." she said with a smile on her face.

**After The Dust Settles 14**

When Johnny didn't answer Tim let go off his hair and kicked him again. Johnny groaned loudly. "Stop." he begged. "Please just stop." Johnny said breathesly. Tim looked down at him and for a second he felt sorry for the guy. While Tim was on to much of a high beating him up, he didn't realize that he had just sunk to Johnny's level. Tim backed away from Johnny slowly, little did Tim know that Johnny was smiling to himself. Johnny got up on his knees and groaned. Tim being the gentlemen that he was, or maybe he just felt guilty. Believe it or not there was a time where he didn't completley hate Johnny. Johnny didn't exactly like the idea of Tim dating his sister, but up until the day that TIm broke up with Gloria Johnny thought he was an ok guy. Tim extended his hand to Johnny, Johnny looked up at Tim and reluctantly took it. "Sorry man." Tim said quietly. What was he apologizing for? Johnny kidnapped his little girl, ruined his life, made him feel like coward, a bad father, killed his best friend. So, after all that Johnny had done to him why was he apologizing? Its because Tim Speedle was the better man. Always was and always would be.

Johnny let Tim pull him up, once he was on his feet he took the knife he was clutching tightly in his hand and stabbed it into Tim's stomach.

**After The Dust Settles 14**

Horatio, Calleigh and Eric where all driving in one Hummer. Dennis drove in his black car, the general car for Federal Agents. Eric had insisted on the fact that Valera stay at Calleigh's place, dispit Valera's over growing urge to be in the field. Calleigh kept her eyes trained on the scenery that went by as they drove. Calleigh closed her eyes tightly, "Somethings wrong." she muttered, she wasn't even sure she had said it out loud until she felt Horatio's gaze on her, "Something's wrong" she repeated.

**After The Dust Settles 14**

Tim groaned out in pain as he felt the sharp blade pierce his stomach. Johnny smiled to himself and gripped Speed's shoulder as he dug the knife further into his stomach. Tim could feel tears come to his eyes and he groaned out in pain once more as Johnny took the knife back out and dug it into his skin again. It was only moments later that they both heared sirens come into hearing range. Johnny looked down at Tim, "Time to go to hell." he said simply.

Johnny pushed Tim down on the ground, he let out a sigh. He took a deep breath and smiled, "Well Tim its been a pleasure but I must be leaving now." he said simply and ran out of the wharehouse.

The force Johnny had used to push Tim down had knocked the wind out of him. He had to blink several times to try and see his surrondings. He looked over to his left and very clearly saw Calleigh run towards him, no matter what condtion he was in, her bright blonde hair and her bright green eyes could light up a room. "He...he went that way." he mummbled. As if on cue Eric and two police officers ran off in the direction Tim had pointed. Tim swallowed hard and looked up at Calleigh who had gripped one of his hands in hers. Tim swallowed hard once again and looked into his eyes. "You...you gotta...pull pull it out." he asked.

Calleigh shook her head, "No baby, I can't." she said softly, as she placed a finger over his lips. "I'm not sure what it punctured. I don't want you bleeding out on me." she said, her voice sounding weak and broken.

Tim closed his eyes for a second and then looked at her, "I love you." he said softly.

Calleigh couldn't help but smile when he said that, "I love you to." she said simply.

Tim tried to take a deep breath, but it was becoming harder. He looked past Calleigh's shoulder and saw Horatio standing there, his usual apperance, suit, shades and his hands on his hips. Horatio looked down at the ground at them and sighed. He then left the wharehouse figuring they needed the time alone. "Can I close my eyes now?" Tim asked softly.

Calleigh had let a few tears fall down her cheeks and nodded a little, her bottom lip quivering. "Yes you can." she whispered. Tim nodded a little and closed his eyes. Calleigh let out a painful sigh and pulled Tim into her lap, rocking him gently. "I love you so much baby." she whispered. She closed her eyes tightly and then moved her hand down to his stomach and pulled the knife out of it. She sat it down on the ground and looked back at Tim. She had guessed that no matter how long or how hard you try you can't fight off your demons. Atleast not completley.

THE END

See Anni look what you made me do. lol. No i'm kidding I had that idea in my noggin for some time now. But I was thinking of doing the epilogues in the point of view of Calleigh, Eric, Horatio, Sandra and Olivia...and that's all I can think of. Anywho, let me know what you think.


	15. Horatio's Point of View

**Horatio's Point of View**

I'm not sure how all of this got started. It all seemed to go by so fast. I got the job at the crime lab, Speed had actually became my first friend. He was a little hesitant at first seeing as he was taught everything he knows by Megan Donner. I glance around the small funeral home and I see her walk in. She makes a quick apperance, giving Calleigh a hug and a quick nod to Eric and then leaving. I sigh and look at the ground. My best friend was just killed. For real this time. And the grief I am showing isn't fake this time, its real. And i'm not sure how to handle it.

I see the preacher walk in and he gives Calleigh's hand a quick squeeze before making his way to his usual spot to give his speech. I quickly take a seat next to Eric and Maxine and I can't help but feel alone. I know its wrong of me. To feel alone at a friends funeral but I do. I never had luck in the love department. I clear my throat a little and let the events of a couple days ago drift back into my head.

I watch from the love seat as Calleigh and Olivia sleep on the couch. I honestly don't know what Speed did to deserve such a special woman. Calleigh was and will always be a dedicated, sounthern, gun loving person. But if there's one thing Calleigh is better at then knowing the difference between a .22 and .45 is how to be a mother. Calleigh would risk her life for her children. Sacrifice anything and everything she could to protect them. And I know apart of her blames herself for what happend to Sandra and Tim. But I can't help but feel responsible for it all. There my CSI's I'm supposed to protect them. Keep them safe. Its like their my children and I have to do anything and everything to protect them. Go above and beyond duty to keep them safe. And I failed. I failed the moment Sandra got kidnapped. By rights it was before that. But I guess I can't blame myself for what happend to Tim before I knew the guy. But I still do.

I drove as fast as I could to get to that wharehouse. Like Speed did I myself would get these gut feelings. And my gut feeling that something bad was going to happen only magnified when Calleigh had broken the painful silence in the hummer when she had said "Somethings wrong". I always thought Speed and Calleigh had this sort of ESP thing going on. When they had first started dating they always finished each others sentences, Delko had made fun of them but I just thought it was cute.

I let Calleigh run into the wharehouse, she needed to handle this one. I walked over to Tim's hummer and I opened the drivers side door to see Sandra. I tilt my head a little and smile. I know choosing favorites is wrong but with Sandra I see so much potiental. She was a lot more like her father. Olivia was always more like Calleigh. Sandra smiles back at me as I look down at her, "Did I do ok?" she asks.

I smile and nod, "You did great." I say simply.

"Can I come out of the hummer now. I want to see my daddy and mommy." she said simply. I look at her with her big brown eyes and I can't help but smile more.

I hear some noise come from up ahead. I see Eric run into the wharehouse along with a few patrol officers and I open my mouth, "You know what." I say softly. "Why don't we...why don't we hang out here for a little bit." Sandra gives me one of those famous Speedle expressions. "Ok?" She sighed heavily but nods none the less. She scoots over into the passanger seat and then kindly tells me to get in the drivers seat. And I was more then happy to ablige.

I sat with Sandra for a few minutes before the activity going on around me caught my attention. Off in the distance I could Eric yelling, "Miami Dade PD put your hands behind your head." I look over at Sandra who is staring intently at the glove compartment. "You know what sweetie. I...I will be right back ok?" Sandra nods a little, not taking her eyes from that spot. I give her a small smile and I walk into the wharehouse. I see Calleigh crouched down by Tim. I peer over her shoulder and I see that he has a knife in his stomach. I sigh to myself and look down at the ground. Before shifting my weight uncomfortably and looked back over at them. "I love you." I hear Tim say. His voice sounds so weak...so helpless. And I know what's coming next. As I turn to leave the wharehouse I hear a simple, "Can I close my eyes now?" I close my eyes tightly and make my way back to the hummer. I know Calleigh will want to tell Sandra herself. But something by the look in Sandra's eyes as I walk towards her she already knows.

The next couple of days where tough on us all. Especially for Calleigh and the girls. Sandra hasn't stopped crying. The poor thing blames herself. And Calleigh is trying to stay so strong for all of them. This time is different then before though. This time Tim is really gone. And both of the girls are older and can take care of themselves. Calleigh nor I have slept much at all and I'm not sure how to help her. I'm Lt. Horatio Caine and for once in my life I'm not sure how to help someone.

I take my seat next to Eric. I see he's trying so hard not to lose it. But I know he will. Sometime today. Whether its here or at home he'll lose it. Just like I will. Tim was a big part of our lives. And its such a tragedy to see him be taken out by his teenaged demons. The preacher begins his speech. He talked about Tim's life, his job at the crime lab and how he left behind 2 girls and a wife. Tim's mother got up and made a speech about her 'baby' I believe she called him. I smile a little to myself as she told a story about Tim when he was a toddler and ran outside in nothing but his diaper. As I tilt my head up I realize that I'm not the only one laughing. As the preacher asks for a moment of silence I bow my head and honor not only my collegue, not only my best friend, but my son.

TBC...Eric's epilogue will be next...ugh now i have to go to the doctor...andi hate the doctor!


	16. Eric's Point Of View

**Author's Note: I just got back from the Dr. And I'm very happy to say no surgery for me! And i'm all hyper and excited right now so here's an update.**

**Eric's point of View**

I'm not really sure what made me become friends with Speedle, let alone best friends. When I first came to CSI he was always teasing me. Giving me a hard time. But after awhile it just died down and we started doing things together. The usual beer and a burger after work. Nothing really special until Tim and Calleigh got together. When I first came to CSI it was obvious that the two liked eachother. Calleigh's face would instantally light up when he walked into the room. And now as I'm sitting here trying to listen to the preacher and comfort Calleigh and Maxine at the same time, I find myself blaming myself for my friends death. Maybe its because i'm catholic. Maybe that's my way of grieving, i'm not sure.I still can't bring myself to look up at him. I know that he's lying up there in his coffin with a suit that Calleigh had picked out of his limited selection. He always hated wearing suits, he said he felt like a penguin in them. He said he felt like he couldn't breathe. Don't ask me I never really understood Speedle sometimes.

I look over at Maxine who's trying to hide her tears and comfort our crying baby at the same time. She leanes over to whisper in my ear, and before she quickly dissapears into the lobby she says "Be right back." I watch her as she walks out of the viewing area and goes into the lobby. Now I really feel alone. My friend, no wait. Correction. My best friend just died. I feel like its my own fault. And every time Calleigh and H look at me I feel like there blaming me with there eyes. Suddenly I know what Speedle meant by him not being able to breath in suits. I feel like my tie is choking me to death. I reach up and lossen it a little and clear my throat. Its then that I realize that I was crying. I furrow my eyebrows, not wanting the tears to fall. I'm a guy, guys don't cry. Plain and simple. I lift my head up a little when I feel a little squeeze on my shoulder. I glance over and see that its Horatio. I put my head back down and try to concentrate on what the preacher's saying, but my mind just floods with memories of the day Speed died.

I remember starring off, just thinking on the way to the wharehouse. It wasn't until Calleigh had said, "Somethings wrong" that I turned my head away from the window. I look at her for a minute and shake my head, "He's fine, Cal." she just shakes her head once again and says "Something's wrong." We pull up at the wharehouse and I jump out and follow Calleigh inside along with a couple of patrol officers. I feel my heart sink as I see Speedle lying on the floor. I take a second to say a quick prayer before I run out the doors with patrol. I see Johnny running down a small hill. I stumble a little trying to catch up with him, but I don't fall. This guy just messed with my friend, he messed with my family and I'm not going to let him get away with that.

"Miami Dade PD! Put your hand on your head and turn around slowly." I yell. But it doesn't do any good. Johnny's stubborn he's not going to give up. I'm actually suprised by how well i'm keeping up with him. I guess all those hours with Valera at the gym paid off. I'll think twice the next time I sign up for a couples package. Finally we stop at a small drop off spot that leads into the sewer. I take my gun from my holister and point it at Johnny's back, I glance over my right shoulder and see that the patrol officers have done the same. "Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly." I repeated.

I can hear Johnny laugh and there's nothing more that I want to do right now then to wrap my arms around his neck and strangle him. But I can't do that. I have a wife and a little girl to think about. I have Calleigh, Sandra, and Olivia to think about. Calleigh would be furious with me if I went off to jail. And not to mention I don't really feel like my daughter talking to me through a plate glass window telling me about her first day of kindergarten. "Turn around Johnny." I say firmly.

Johnny just laughs again, "He thought he was a bad ass you know." he says. "He thought he could beat me up." he said with a laugh. As Johnny turns around I see that Tim had done a pretty good job. If its one thing I never under estimated was the love Tim had for his family. "I think he did Johnny." I say, gesturing to his bloody noise and his beat up face.

Johnny just shakes his head, "He didn't even see me pull out the knife." he said with a small chuckle. To be honest this guy was starting to freak me out. "He's a CSI and he couldn't even see that. Speedle was nothing more then a sissy. Always was and always would be."

I feel myself get furious and I grip my gun a little tighter."Why don't you save us both the time and paperwork and come with us?" I suggest. Johnny shakes his head, "I don't think so." I step towards him a little more and shake my head, "Your coming with me Duncan. I'm not going to let you get away with this." Johnny looks over his shoulder and then looks back at me. "Tell Speedle I'll see him in hell." he says. Johnny then takes a few steps forward and the patrol officer to my right thinks he's coming at us so he shoots him. I watch as Johnny falls off the cliff and into the water. Johnny wasn't coming at us, he was getting exactly what he wanted and easy sentence.

I walk up to the edge of the cliff and holster my gun. I look down at the steady stream and I can't help but laugh a little, "You son of a bitch." I mutter before turning back around and making my way to the wharehouse. Just as I come in I see Calleigh pick Speedle up and craddle him in her arms. Soon after that I hear her muffled cries. I want to do something for her, somehow make her pain go away. But I can't. I don't know what to do. And I can't help but think to myself maybe I'm not a good of a friend as I thought I was. All the joking, teasing, and hazing me and Speedle had done over the years was for nothing. I guess I didn't even really know the guy at all.

I walk over to Calleigh slowly and squat down next to her, just like I would at any other crime scene. I place my hand on her back lightly and look at Speedle before looking at her, "Calleigh...let him go." she shakes her head frantically and holds onto him tighter. I can't imagine what this must be like for her. Two lose her husband twice. Two become a widow twice. I can't...no I won't imagine what that must be like. "Cal, you need to let him go." I say softly. I look over and see Alexx come into view. I give her a sympathetic smile and turn my attention back to Calleigh. "Come one sweetie, Sandra needs you right now." Calleigh let's out a few more cries before she stops suddenly and then lays Tim back down. Alexx walks over and sits her kit down on the cold concrete, "I'll take care of him baby." she says softly. Calleigh nods softly and kisses his forehead lightly, "Come on sweetie." I said. Calleigh grabs my hand and I lead her out of the wharehouse. As soon as we come out I see Sandra run towards Calleigh. And I feel this feeling hit me. I need to see Valera and my little girl right now. To know that there ok.

After the funeral and most everyone had left. I walk down the hall to see Calleigh leaning in her bedroom door way, "Hey. Me and Maxie were gonna head out." I say softly. Calleigh nods a little and wipes at her cheeks. "Ok." she whispers. "You gonna be ok." she just nods again. I lean forward and kiss her temple lightly. I turn around and walk down the hall. Away from my friend. And it hits me that I'm finally going to have to let go of my best friend. I look at Maxine as I approach the front door and she gives me a half smile, "You ready to go?" she asks. I nod a little and take the Claudia's car seat from her, "Yeah. Let's go." I say. I hold the door open for her and then close it. Closing away my best friend.

Next should be Calleigh's point of view...I'm not sure if I should the girl's first and then Calleigh's or them together or ugh I dunno. But I have to go to bed now because I have to go back to stupid school tomorrow. And ugh (takes deep breath)!


	17. Sandra and Olivia POV

**Auother's Note: Sorry it took me so long to write up another chapter guys. School got kinda crazy and then I got a little writers block. But hey i'm back now! Soo...whoo hoo.**

**Author's Note 2: I'm not sure how long this chapter will be. Because I'm going to be completley honest I'm pulling this chapter out of my butt. The only thing I'm sure of is the ending. lol.**

**Sandra and Olivia's POV**

Olivia was always daddy's girl. I dont' remember much of my time with him as a baby. But I do remember some things, crazy as that sounds. But nothing he did with her could even compare to what he did for me. He protected me. He lost his life for me. Well, he lost his life for all of us really. I may only be six but something in the back of my mind keeps telling me that its my fault. Olivia looks over at me and grabs my hand. She must know what I'm thinking.

I look to my right and I see my mom trying as hard as she can to keep her tears in, but she can't. I see Unlce Eric, Uncle Horatio and Aunt Maxie putting there hands on her back, trying to comfort her. But I know that when we go home no one will be there to wipe away her tears. To make her pain go away. Atleast not the person who should be there. I sigh heavily and then suddenly get angry with myself. Everyone around me is crying. Even Sandra is crying. Why can't I cry? Why can't I cry for my daddy? Everyone always tells me that I was and always will be daddy's little girl. Why? That's not fair. What's the point of being daddy's little girl if you don't remember any of it. What's the point in people telling me that I had this great connection with my father when I was a baby if I can't even remember it. I feel my foot shaking violently next to me and for a second I think I'm going to get up and walk out of here. But I can't. I have to suck up my jealousy, sadness, anger, and every other emotion under the sun that no six year old little girl should ever feel and stay put.

The service was nice, I'm only six so I wouldn't know what others were like. After the service was over we all went back to the house. Aunt Alexx had made a few dishes and brought them over. Me and Olivia suprisngly stayed attached to eachother's hip the whole night. We look around the room and see all these different people. Some whom we've never heared of before. I look over and see the Chief of police. Mommy always told me I could pick him out of a line up because he had these bright blue eyes, like there were magnifed by a billion lights or something. He catched my eye and smiled sympathetically. I look down at my lap and he walks over to me and Olivia. He squats down and pulls two little baggies out of his uniform pocket. Me and Olivia exchange looks and then open them. Inside is some Milky Way candy bars and some Dora the Explorer stickers. I look up at him with an expression that only my father and I could give. He laughs a little, and I think to myself he must see a lot of my daddy in me. And that makes me smile. "I know chocolate and Dora always makes my little girl happy when she's feeling blue." he says softly. He kisses each of our foreheads and then walks back over to his wife.

Sandra had left to go to the bathroom and left me alone sitting on the couch by myself. I look around the room and see different people talking. I see Uncle Eric with his arms wrapped around Aunt Maxine. I look to my left and see mommy talking to Officer Jessop and one of daddy's good friends Aaron Peters. I can tell mommys trying to keep a good grip on her emotions, she keeps biting her bottom lip. Aaron glances over at me and smiles a little. I quickly look away and walk out of the room.

After most of the people had left Olivia and I told mommy that we were tired. She took us into our bedroom and helped us put our pj's on. She didn't say a single word the whole time. I gave Olivia a look and she just shrugged. I just figured that mommy was afraid if she opened her mouth she'd cry. Or yell. And mommy never liked to yell. She tucks me in and kisses my forehead. She walks over to Sandra's bed and does the same. She then goes to the door, turns out the light, and dissapears down the hall. Me and Sandra look at eachother one last time before rolling on the other side, backs facing eachother. I can tell that Sandra had already fall asleep from her snores. She denies the whole thing but I know the truth and that's all that matters. I didn't realize how long I had laid there that night until I feel Sandra's hand on my arm. I wondered why she wondered over to my bed when I feel her hand wipe at my cheeks and I realized I was crying. She snuggled up with me and adventually we both fell asleep. If its one thing you can always count on is family. They'll always be there for you in your time of need.

Tbc...next is the last chapter. Calleigh's POV.


	18. Calleigh's POVLast Chapter

Author's Note: Ok i went bowling over the weekend and whoa my arm hurts. lol.

Deb: School is going pretty good. Its not as hard as I thought it was. But of course it just started soooo...

Anni: I'm giving you an offical hanky warning! So get your tissues ready!

Calleigh's POV

Get up. Get the girls ready. Take a shower. Eat breakfast. Get the girls off to school. Go to work. I can do this. I don't need Tim's help. I'm perfectly capable of being a single mother. I did it for 6 years I can do it for another 12 years. I can do this. So, why does it feel like I don't know anything. Tim wasn't back for long but when he was back it was like him going undercover never happend. Tim always had that effect on people. Well...correction not really everyone, me. He could always make me forget about everything and concentrate on the here and now. One kiss and my knees went weak. The feeling of his hand in mine was enough to give me a heart attack. And is it wrong for me to say that I'm gonig to miss us being together? Not just as a couple in general but us actually being together. Tim had a way about him when we made love that made me feel like I was floating all the way up to the ceiling, to the sky even. And now knowing that this time is for real. That he's really dead this time...I can't help but feel alone now and know that I'm never going to have that feeling ever again.

These are all the things that race through my mind over and over again, like some kind of broken record as I watch the preacher make his way up to the stand. I glance over at the casket and I see Speed's face and I close my eyes and look down. I can't look at him like that. His hair is all nice and tidy his mother had made sure of that. He was in a nice black suit, one that his father had picked out. Speed never liked to wear suits he had one for court and that was it. He still had the one he wore at our wedding but that no longer fit him. He had always told his mom that she should know that I fed him well because he packed on a few pounds since being married to me. He has a deep red tie on with a white dress shirt. He always hated wearing light colors. Whenever we'd go shopping for work clothes it was always either black dress pants, dark jeans, black dress shirts, or a maroon one (which I secretly loved) or nothing at all. Tim was very stubborn and I miss that, in a weird sort of way.

I listen to the preacher for a few minutes and its not long until I feel that fimilar stinging in my eyes and the tiny little rivers fall down my cheeks. I try desperatly to wipe them away without someone noticing but it doesn't do any good. I'm bullet girl. I'm a stubborn southern woman this isn't supposed to happen to me. I never cry. Until now. I feel a thousand hands on me at once. It wasn't really a thousand but when your numb from head to toe and your heart feels like its been put through a shredder you can't really feel anything.

The ride back home to my house for dinner is a quite one. The girls nor I talked the entire way. The only voices were Eric and Maxine trying to make small talk in the back seat. My mind floods back to Tim's last moments. "Can I close my eyes now?" those 6 words flow through my brain, making me feel like a million tiny needles are poking me in my heart. If I had my way about it I would have told him no. Simple as that. But he had lost so much blood and he had been put through enough I couldn't let him suffer anymore and I knew deep down in my heart he wouldn't go unless I told him to. That's just the kind of man Tim was, he thought of other people before himself.

Dinner went by fairly quickly. I got a thousand hugs, a million "I'm sorrys", a billion "You hang in theres" I swear I should own the Kleenex company by now. About an hour after dinner, when everyone's talking and making simple quiet conversation I realize I've been ignoring my little girls. I know that, that is wrong. But I can't help it. I feel like if I talk to them that they'll be taken away from me. I glance over at the couch and see the chief talking to them, he reached into his uniform pocket and pulls out to small bags and I smile a little before turning my attention back to Peters and Jessop. I'm not really concentrating on what there saying. After a few minutes I excuse myself and go out on the back porch. I see Horatio leaning over the railing. I sigh a little and walk over and join him. He looks over at me and I look at him for a split second before turning my attention back to my hands. "You know what I was thinking?" he asks softly.

I look back over at him and shake my head, "No." I say simply. "What?" I ask softly.

Horatio smiles a little and sets his cup on the table behind him before turning back to the railing, "The first time I met Speed." he says softly. And I can't help but smile a little. "He was so hesitant in letting me in." he said simply.

I smile a little, it was true. Tim didn't like Horatio at much first, "Well." I started. "Megan did a lot for him. I guess he felt he owed her something." Horatio nods a little and there's a long pause. Which makes me very uncomfortable and I figit nervously. Horatio takes his hand and puts it over mine.

"He was a good man, Calleigh. Don't you ever forget that." he says in his usual Horatio Caine tone. I nod a little and bite my bottom lip nervously, begging for no more tears to flow.

"I know that." he said softly. "I know." I nod a little and close my eyes. He pulls me into a hug and I can't help but release a few more tears. Horatio has that way about him that can make anyone reveal all there emotions. Maybe thats why he's so good in the interrogation room. I wrap my arms around him tightly and hold him for as long as I can. I pulled away for what seemed like several hours later, and who knows it could have been. I wipe at my cheeks and he hands me a hanky that was in his pocket. He adds a quick 'You hang in there" before slipping back into the house.

I look over at the table and see a white envelope propped up against the stand for the umbrella. I walk over to it and see my nick name Speed used to call me all the time written in his hand writing smack dab in the middle of it. "Goober" To some it didn't mean anything, just something to tease me over. Not a lot of people know this as a matter of fact no one but Tim and I knows this. On our first date we had gone to the movies and then we went for a walk on the beach. I had pulled my left over candy out of my pocket. It had been a milky way candy bar and Tim thought it was a box of goobers or something. How he ever thought a candy bar looked like a box I will never know. But he did. I had teased him that he was a CSI and he couldn't tell the difference. And he had replied, "Cal, I'm a csi. I'll just put it into the mass spec and be done with it." and ever since then he always called me goober. I picked up the letter and put it into my pocket. I'd read it later.

I help the girls get there pj's on and I put them into bed. I still can't talk to them yet, maybe tomorrow will be better. Or perhaps the next day. I close there door behind me and I make my way to my bedroom. I can't go in yet. I just stand there looking at his side of the bed. I feel Eric's hand on my shoulder, he says he's leaving and I nod softly. I listen as the door closed and now I feel really alone. I walk into our bedroom and close my door half way, Tim never liked closing the door all the way. He had said it "cut off his hearing to his babies and I want to hear my babies if they need me." A lot of people didn't know this but Tim was a very sentimental man. I pull the letter out of my pocket and set it on the bed. I pull on my pj's which consists of a pair of shorts and one of Tim's dress shirts. I walk over to the far corner of the bedroom and turn on the stereo. A song comes on that makes me smile. And memories flood my brain once again.

Tim had left to go to a conference in Michigan, I didn't want him to go and quit frankly he didn't want to go either. But Horatio said he needed him there so he went. He was gone for 2 weeks and I missed him greatly. I had come home late from work one night and I saw that I had 4 messages on the answering machine. I smiled a little and pressed the button the first one was Tim talking about his day and he sounded more then bored. I erased that message and another one from Tim came on that I didn't expect. "I don't normally do this. But I heared this song today and I had to do it." he had said. I heared a guitar start up in the background. Now, I never knew that Tim could sing. I knew he could play the guitar but never did I know that he could sing. It felt like that day all over again as the song played through the stero and if I listend closing I could almost here Tim singing it.

A hundred days had made me older  
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face

A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all these miles had separate

Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby   
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin  
as the people either way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
but I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby   
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know,  
and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls,  
when it's all said and done  
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby  
but your still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby  
and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby  
but your still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl it's only you and me

I sat there perfectly still on the bed, not daring to move. The song ends and the announcer comes on advertising some carpet cleaner product. I get up and quickly turn it off. I get into bed, Tim's side of course and I open the letter that Horatio ever so cleverly left me. I open it up and see Tim's messy hand writing. I swear it could pass for a Doctor's. I clearly see my name at the top and I know this must be a serious letter. Tim would never give a heading to anything unless it was serious. 'One the event of my death' I close my eyes tightly for a minute. And for a minute I don't think I can read anymore. I take a deep breath and read the rest of the letter:

Calleigh,

One the event of my death, I don't want you to worry. I know you Calleigh even when you don't think I do. You'll blame yourself and only yourself. It wasn't your fault. Everyone has there demons and mine just got the best of me. I'm going to make this letter short, sweet, and to the point. I love you. And no matter what happens I want you to always remember that. I love you.

Tim

Calleigh looked at the letter for several minutes before showing any signs of movement let alone emotion. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. I opened them again, folded the letter up and stuck it back in its holder. I placed it inside Tim's nightstand and crawled under the covers. I could hear cries coming from the next room over and I couldn't find the strength to get up and go check on the girls. Seeing them was to much of a reminder of what I had lost and I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. Did that make me a bad mother? I can hear the girls comforting eachother. Whispering words of comfort to one another and thats when I feel my own tears come back to my eyes and slowly, ever so slowly flow down my cheeks. I wipe them away but it doesn't do any good. Instead of slowing down they just come down faster and faster. I reach for a kleenex but I realize that I went through the box on my nightstand already. I barry my head into Tim's pillow, breathing in his sent. I'm going to miss that smell. It wasn't cologne, deoterant, after shave, nothing. It was just Tim. Just Tim. And I think I'm going to miss that the most. I'm going to miss waking up next to him. The feeling of his arms around my waist. The feeling of his hands on my skin. His voice. His pessimistic side. His bad boy side. His eyes. His lips. His hand linked with mine. All the little things i'm going to miss out on. The word marriage came across my mind. Oh, no. I could never do that again. I don't care if its just me and 60 cats after the twins move out. I will never get married again. There's just no question about it. I can't and I won't do it. I won't.

I didn't realize how late it had gotten or how wet the pillow case had gotten until I feel four little hands on my shaking shoulders. I feel someone kiss my cheek and I can't even make out who its is from my tear rimmed eyes. All I can see is an outline. I hear a "Shh mommy its ok" I feel someone lying there head on top of mine and I feel someone snuggling into me, wrapping there arms around my waist. I try to speak. I do, I try to open my mouth to say something. To say what I have no idea but it doesn't come out none the less. I just bite my bottom lip and cry harder. I let the tears fall from my milky white complective skin to the top layer of the pillowcase, through the pillow and onto the matress. Because suddenly I don't care anymore. I don't care if I cry so much it kills me. I honestly don't. I hear another "Ssshhh mommy its ok." and then I hear, "We still love you mommy." And that only makes me cry harder. I feel my body shake more violently then it had done a few moments ago and then I feel the arms around my waist tighten. "Sshhh mommy its ok." they keep repeating. But its not going to be ok. Its never going to be ok. I feel one of the girls wipe at my cheeks again and a few minutes later I feel kleenex against my cheek. I open my eyes and wipe at them and I can see very cleary now that it was Olivia who had her head rested against mine whispering soothing words into my ear and I can see now that it was Sandra who had gotten me the kleenex. I look at my two girls and then I pull them as close to me as possible. I kiss each of there foreheads and begin crying again. My body doesn't shake as much as it did before. But it still does. And I can tell now that this is going to be a continous thing.

I wake up several hours later to two sleeping little bundles of sunshine lying next to me. I pull the covers up and cover them both gently. I walk into the closet and find exactly what I'm looking for. I check to make sure that the girls are both asleep. I kiss there foreheads one last time and walk into the kitchen. I sit down at the little island in the middle of the kitchen and put the tape into the slot of the answering machine and press play. I hear Tim's voice come over the speaker and for a second I feel like he's right next to me. I feel like his hands right there on my shoulder. I close my eyes as he begins to sing. I imagine that I'm sitting on the couch and he's on the cushion next to me with his gutiar singing. I close my eyes and press the rewind button followed closing my the play button. I'm not sure how long I listened to his voice but it must have been about a million times because the girls came in and sat down on the stools next to me. Olivia looks up at me with her bright brown eyes, just like her fathers and asks, "Play it again mommy" and so I did. Until we all got tired of it. I played that song until the tape wouldn't work anymore. I just couldn't let myself forget his voice. People say that memories last a life time. But that's not true. You forget. Pictures fade. Tapes die out. You forget smells. Faces. But no matter how hard I try I will never ever be able to forget Tim Speedle. I couldn't if I wanted to. Not that I would. The song ends again and this time I press stop vs. rewind. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around my two favorite girls, "Bye baby." I say simply and kiss the girls' head once more.

THE END


End file.
